At some point we all have experiences in life that beg the question “why me?” A vast array of life experiences can lead you to ask this question. Maybe it’s a decline or loss in physical health, an accident, a natural disaster, financial loss or struggle, the death of a loved one, a break-up, being single and not wanting to be, a miscarriage, getting divorced, an affair, the state of your social life, being unhappy or depressed, how you have been treated by someone, or being abused that brings you to ask the question “why is this happening to me?”
It’s normal to ask why, because it’s part of the nature of the mind and being human. Asking why serves a purpose. In the case of therapy, asking why you existentially experience something is part of the growth and healing process. Most of us try to make sense of why things happen to us. We search for meaning. When you discover or create valuable lessons in why something happened to you this helps you to find resolution, accept what has happened and move on, and in the process embark on changing yourself for the better.
Although asking why something is happening can lead to positive growth, asking why also has dangerous pitfalls. It’s worthwhile to be aware of them so you can recognize them and dodge them if you can. For example, sometimes you can get stuck spinning your wheels as to why something is happening, and can’t get off this particular hamster wheel. No explanation seems satisfactory. It’s important to know that why something happened isn’t necessary to heal and let go. Disengaging from your mind’s incessant need to know and figure things out is ultimately what’s crucial. Other times when asking why something is happening you can get stuck in the culdesac of shame, and conclude that the reason why is because something is wrong with you. The only thing actually happening here in this scenario is that a new layer of suffering is being added to something that is probably already painful by believing that the reason why something is happening is because something is wrong with you. It is important to understand that in asking why something is happening you’re ultimately asking an unanswerable question. There is no way to know for certain the reason behind why something happens to you or doesn’t. Surrendering to this mysterious aspect of reality, and living with the unknown is ultimately what’s paramount. This becomes the work…
Read more about the work of therapy on Marram Plapp’s Individual Therapy page.